Last Day at 36 4/19/14

I'll be honest, I don't remember my birthday from last year, I can say that the only thing that even remotely jogged my memory about it was when I discovered a ticket stub in my coat pocket from when I went to see the evil dead remake on this date a year ago, a film I don't even remember seeing.  This year is so much different, I am coherent, healthy and happy and I have put the past to rest.  Tomorrow I turn 37 but I feel younger than I ever have, my body and my mind are only getting healthier.  It is a stunningly beautiful day here, going to be in the 60s with pure sun, I have to work for a few hours but then we are driving to Charlestown for the night, should be a good time.  Today also marks two years since the passing of the great Levon Helm, his music has been with me for so many years, singing Atlantic City at the top of my lungs with Nichole and the kids is one of my last good memories before everything went to shit.  I have been listening to his music this morning and doing everything I can to appreciate his legacy.  I have a lot of things I want to get accomplished this morning, cleaning, a walk, a couple of other things, and I am going to try and write tomorrow morning but I hope all of you are well and in the same good spirits that I am.

 

always hope

always peace

always love

I haven't been able to write as frequently as I like since I have gone back to work, I am working a lot more hours than I was a couple of weeks ago and this week has been busy on top of that.  Yesterday I had to go to the DMV and renew my license.  This was quite the experience as I ate some mushrooms and beets right before I went and my stomach was making the most obnoxiously loud noises you could imagine while I sat waiting for my number to be called.  I waited and waited and then discovered that I had the wrong paperwork with me when it was my turn so I had to get a temporary license which is good for 60 days.  I went to Portland yesterday to, I had to go to the dispensary.  I had a really good talk with one of the employees about a survey I filled out in regards to how marijuana has helped me, I can tell you right now I would not have been able to return to work without it, and I told them anything they ever need help with in regards to the movement I am more than willing to help.  I had to get my car inspected this morning and I ran into an old friend of mine who is actually running a grow set up for another dispensary and we had a really good talk, I am really interested in becoming a caregiver in the next year or so and he answered a lot of my questions.  I have been thinking about getting some new clothes as none of my pants stay up, but really all I want right now is a Lou Reed T shirt for the summer, it has been almost six months since he died and I am still not over it, I was looking on amazon and there are several that I want and hopefully in the next few weeks I can get one.  Things are really good though, I feel like a different person and I feel like I have a future for the first time in a long time, I am planning things and working on things, my goals for this year are to somehow come up with the money to become a certified aroma therapist, it costs about $2000 and to figure out how to come up with anoth $1500 to become a caregiver, I really want to become my own employer, work for myself and I feel it is doable, I just have to put my mind to it.  I hope all of you are well,

 

always hope

always peace

always love

Wow, what a difference time, hard work and determination make.  A year ago I was struggling to come back to life, I had taken the first steps to getting things back under control, I was still struggling with Paxil and Xanax, I was a very angry, my relationship with Nichole and most of my family was in ruins and I was just very angry and didn't have a lot going for me.  It was right around this time that I had begun to give serious thought to the idea of going vegan, I knew it was an all or nothing situation for me and I had to do something or I was going to end my life, there is no sugarcoating it, that is where I was at.  A year later I am a different person, my birthday is approachingon sunday, I will be 37, but my true birthday will be on may 2, that will mark one year as a vegan, it is something that has truly changed me inside and out, it has allowed me to focus what was debillitating OCD onto something constructive as opposed to destructive, it has allowed me to reclaim my physical health, 108 pounds and counting, blood pressure that is perfect, cholesterol that is perfect, and a conscience that is free of the guilt that comes with eating and wearing animals.  I have also met some very interesting people as a result of being vegan, I have developed a great friendship very quickly with this vegan farmer Andrew, he has a great philosophy and phenomenal outlook on life and he is introducing me to other vegans in the area and teaching me how to properly grow my own food, it is a great thing.  I have also returned to work, a year ago if you asked me about going back to work I would have told you it was an impossibility, today I tell you that I am working and I am doing everything I can to move ahead as quickly as possible and it already seems to be working as my hours have already increased and the feedback I am receiving is great.  I have also repaired relationships with several people, most importantly Nichole and my sister, I am not going to say more about this as they are private people but I am very thankful.  I also reached out to my former managers from Exeter Healthcare and they have been remarkably supportive and I am forever grateful to them.  I have dedicated myself to the medical marijuana movement, it has saved my life and allowed me to return to a productive and fulfilling life, the fact that this remarkable plant has not at the very least been rescheduled by the federal government is a travesty that is caused by nothing but money and corruption, the pharmaceutical industry, the murderous cancer industry, the ridiculous private prison industry, and so many more are just shaking in their boots as the will of the people is finally being heard, yesterday Maryland became the 21st state to legalize medical marijuana and there are more that are sure to follow.  I am doing my best to grow a sense of spirituality, it is something I struggle with, I feel a definite connection to something, I am just not yet sure of what it is, I have no religion and I never will, I believe in balance, that is all I can say at the moment.  I am so thankful for all the progress that I have made, for the friends that I have and for the hope that has returned to me.

 

always hope

always peace

always love

Sorry I haven't gotten to write the past couple of days, I have been very busy and I just haven't had time.  Today is the 12th anniversar of the day I married my wife Nichole and I think this year more than any other year I appreciate the day more than ever, there were a lot of reasons this anniversary should not have occurred but my amazing wife stuck with me through a lot of shit and today I feel like we are on very solid ground.  It has been an interesting few days, I heard from the board of medicine and they ruled against me, there were a few moments of devistation and the feeling that my world was going to fall apart but I did some thinking and reflection and I decided to just put it behind me, it is closure, that part of my life is oficially over and I am not going to waste another second thinking about it.  It was beautiful hear yesterday, 70 degrees and pure sun and tomorrow is supposed to be 76 and pure sun and for that I am remarkably thankful.  I have tto work today, I haven't had a shift cut in over a week now and my scheduled hours have actually increased so that is a positive area as well.  I am working tomorrow as well but in the morning I am also working with the farmer who is teaching me organic farming and I am really looking forward to that.  I am going to try and get back here tonight and write something a little more but I needed to at least check in this morning and let you all know what it up.

 

always hope

always peace

always love

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday because it was the first day that I got to work on organic farming with my new friend Andrew and it was an amazing experience.  The weather was beautiful yesterday and I started my day off cleaning the house and raking the front yard and part of the back, I intend to finish this morning after I get done here.  Andrew picked me up around 10 and first we went to the farm where he has his greenhouse which was an interesting experience because he is not getting along with the farmer who owns the land and is looking for a new place to grow his produce, he is an organic farmer and the guy who's land he is growing on is not, and they had a rather heated exchange of words but either way it was cool.  We went to his place afterwards and transplanted hundreds of tomato plants which was actually a sort of therapeutic process, I really enjoy just hanging out with this guy to he has a great approach to life, he is a vegan and a buddhist and he is going to introduce me to a woman who lives right down the street from me who is a raw vegan chef and apparently she has meet up pot lucks the first sunday of every month so that is really cool.  I got to go for a walk last night which just felt exhilerating because the weather was so great oh and for lunch yesterday the guy made me a delicious smoothie with kale, spinach, almonds, flax, chia, hemp and carrot juic and we talked a lot about juicing and where to get the best produce for the best price in the area.  I filed my taxes this morning and that went well and all in all I am in great spirits today.  I will be writing more tomorrow, including a piece on the school stabbing spree that happened yesterday but I want to wait until I hear a bit more information.  I hope everyone is well.

 

always hope

always peace

always love

Latest comments

10.06 | 18:33

Well written and needed to be said.

...
21.05 | 17:47

you are an amazing man i hope you get well my friend

...
21.05 | 17:41

This is the Fred we know and love! Dad

...
23.01 | 11:10

glad to see you found the page, you should check out the works of Rushdie for an especially compelling take on secularism/aetheism 4am is a thing of paradise

...
Hi!
Make your own website like I did.
It's easy, and absolutely free.
AD