On Being In Between A Good Place and a Bad Place
So let me start off by saying that yesterday's interview went very well, I walked out feeling confident and they have asked me to come back tomorrow and audition
if you will with a meal prepared from a random basket of food they are going to get together for me. I am trying to remain confident, I have been cooking for the better part of 18 years, I waited tables for a few years in between but I have always cooked,
and I am constantly learning techniques, I am just hoping that I don't freeze up and completely fuck this up. To say I want this job would be more than a massive under statement, it is everything I want, they are starting new under a new company, moving
towards a whole foods organic based diet for senior citizens, it is everything that I dream of and they are going to allow for creativity in the position. I am trying really hard not to obsess on it, not to create the scenario in my mind where I already
have it because it is more than realistic to assume that I won't get it, its also more hours and more money, it would be a great cap off to a great year, but I just don't want to be devistated when I don't get it. I know that freaking out about it today
won't change the outcome tomorrow but at the moment I can't shut off the thoughts in my head. I am hopeful though. I spokme with Dr. Griffith last night and he made me feel very good about myself in a moment when I really needed it. He told
me that how I had moved away from the medication was nothing less than heroic and that he was noot just saying that to blow smoke up my ass, and he told me that if I can do that, if I can drop medications and drugs and alcohol and just decide to move on from
them, then I can cook a meal and get a job and I really want to believe that is the truth. He also told me that he believes that certain things happen because the pieces need to fall into place, we talked about how I had gotten the call out of the blue
after I had long since given up, I applied to this place over a month ago, the type of joob and the elements it involves and their direct connection to me and who I am now, but mostly we talked about the energy and enthusiasm I had put into this evolution
over the past two years, and the energy I have put out there, and I truly do believe that when you put positive energy out there you get it back. I am hopeful, so hopeful, but I really need this to work out, this one is going to be hard to just move
on from if I don't get it. Any positive energy you can send my way would be appreciated, I go tomorrow at three.
Nichole has been giving me little gifts leading up to christmas and while they have all been fun and humorous,
last night she gave me one that filled my heart with such peace and warmth that I find it hard to explain it here. She wrote me several little songs about us and our relationship and me and how much she loves me and it just felt so good. I'm trying
so hard right now, to make this life better, to make life stronger and to complete this stage of the journey and I just need positives and they seem to be coming, my dad's test results, this job opportunity, the letter from nichole, the words from Dr. Griffith,
I just need to keep the momentum going.